So I am guilty of texting and driving which I know is absolutely terrible. I always tell myself that I will stop, and I truly need to!

So from my previous blog I talked about how I was unsure about my faith and what I believed as far as God goes. So this morning while I was on my normal 30 minute commute to work I was texting my sister in law and clearly not paying attention to the road. All of a sudden I looked up and everyone had come to a halt while I was still going 70mph. I slammed on my breaks swerved and had to switch lanes which thankfully nobody was coming in! All of this on top of a huge overpass. It was terrifying and I am almost positive I shit myself. But it made me wonder. What saved me? What or who decided that I was going to make it out alive today? I always look for signs that I am meant to be here in this world, that I am going to do something great with my life. I have always told my husband that I have a feeling I wont be around for a long time, that I feel like I wont live past 30, or have any children. Not because I don’t want to, its just a deeper feeling that I have always had inside. I am wanting to believe that today I was given a sign that I do have a greater purpose here on earth, at least for a little while longer.

 

Anyone that knows me knows that I am not strong in my faith, and it is something I constantly struggle with. I want to believe that there is a higher power that is good an loving, but there are times where that seems almost impossible. I want to believe that everything happens for a reason and that all of the bad things in this world are all part of “Gods Plan”, but not really sure how that works. So the 3 year old boy who gets molested and murdered.. that’s part of a plan? My grandfather dying of cancer after being healthy his whole life..that’s part of a plan? The couple trying to conceive, and being told it will never happen…that’s part of a plan? I guess these are just a few of the instances that I do not understand. How could things that are so evil and saddening be apart of Gods plan? I want to start going to church but I am scared of being judged like I was growing up in the church of a small town. It was something we were forced to do growing up and I think it really swayed the way I felt about it. I don’t want a religious debate to come from this, I just want a clearer understanding of the plan..